Tiny house living, in our experience thus far, has been a slow and steady process of creating a life we truly love. Creating a life you love will look different for everyone, but for us it involves having the time to do the things we enjoy doing most: traveling, growing our own food, and the simple joys of spending time together, enjoying more of the present moment.

Would you believe that those items you’ve long forgotten, left collecting dust in your shed, garage or attic, could be a major roadblock in the way of achieving those goals?

It isn’t easy letting go of things you once loved. And when I say “things,” I’m not simply talking about the physical items taking up space within the confines of your home, but also the thoughts, dreams, people, and memories that clutter our minds.

We all have items we no longer need or refuse to let go of. This could be as simple as a t-shirt, old collectibles, notes from old boyfriends/girlfriends, etc. It’s funny, looking back on these things I’ve been holding on to, I realize I’m only holding on to them purely for romantic reasons. Romantic in the sense that they’re reminiscent of past times, no longer having the significance they once did. I’ve held on to these things as a way of hanging on to the past.

When I was young, I dreamt of one day becoming a professional hockey player. I always hoped I’d be drafted by the Philadelphia Flyers and be their franchise goaltender.

I was pretty good and remember those experiences like they were yesterday. Looking back, I believe I romanticized this era of my life in my mind, as likely most people do thinking back on their younger years. I remember the music playing on the radio while my dad drove me all over the state of New Jersey and occasionally up to Massachusetts and Canada for tournaments. These are the sounds of the 90’s I often find myself going back to even to this day, listening to artists like Sugar Ray, Third Eye Blind, Everclear, and Weezer. The music brings me back to simple times and simple dreams, where the world was our oyster and anything was possible. That idea still holds true but understood differently now as an adult. Some dreams are realized while others are not.

I remember how much it hurt when I wasn’t chosen for the last two travel teams I tried out for, which also happened to be the moment I decided to stop playing. I badly wanted the starting goaltender spot on one of the top travel teams in the area, and when I didn’t get it, I was angry and deflated. I felt like I deserved to be on a better team and play alongside superior talent. Looking back, I realize this was my first lesson teaching me that life isn’t always fair and that we don’t always get handed what we want. However, I let the pain of that experience carry with me, and I believe holding on to my hockey equipment over the years has been a way for me to hold on to those dreams.

I attempted to get back into the game in my mid-twenties with some friends and co-workers, but financial responsibilities and a hectic work schedule quickly became overwhelming and caused me to lose interest. I never regained that spark and love for the game I once had as a young man. These pads have been collecting dust in our shed for several years now.

I purchased my bike as a sign of freedom after quitting that job. I loved that bike and enjoyed riding multiple times a week and took pleasure in the pure bliss of being on the road. At this point in my life, I was unsure where life was taking me, and I remember simply enjoying the days riding different back roads and taking in the scenery. I remember the joy of not knowing, the anxiety of not knowing, and how the simple joy of being out on the road easily carried me away from those worries.

One of the best memories of this time is riding my first and only century ride (100 plus miles) to the Jersey shore with my dad.

My bike used to represent the ultimate freedom.

Today, the ultimate freedom actually comes from letting go of that bike, along with everything else that no longer serves their purpose or gives me joy.

These days, my priorities have changed. I no longer have the time to ride my bike, and instead, spend my days enjoying family time with my wife and daughter. That freedom I once felt riding my bike, I now enjoy every day, living in a tiny house with a family of my own.

The one thing that was always missing from my life, something I never even realized until I happened to stumble upon it, was love and finding the right partner to do life with. Everything became so much easier after that.

If you haven’t found your partner yet, don’t lose hope and don’t give up! I promise you, it’s worth it.

Those days of feeling lost and confused are long gone, and these days we try to spend as much time as possible doing more of the things we love and enjoy. As much as it pains me to say this, I no longer need my bike to feel that sense of freedom, which explains why it has been collecting dust sitting in our shed for the last 3 years.

My bike was always there for me when I was so completely lost in this crazy world. Not once did my bike every throw any judgmental comments my way. I loved how you always said nothing, and simply enjoyed the rides with me. So long, old friend.

When I ask myself why I continue to hold on to these items, I can only come up with one logical explanation: fear. Rooted in deep fear is simply forgetting those times associated with those items, along with who we once were.

There is a sad, agonizing finality when considering letting go of items once so closely entwined with the identity of who you once were. It’s not as simple as shedding your skin like a snake and continuing to move forward.

By holding on to these things, in my mind, I’m keeping those memories alive.

But if you never let go, you’ll never truly be able to create the necessary space to enjoy new experiences and create more joy today.

These memories, items, things, will continue taking up valuable real estate in our minds, hearts, and in this case, essential storage space, unless action is taken. All of these things carry stories once essential to the story of our lives, which makes them so painful to purge.

I’ve noticed a pattern of five vital steps to getting rid of these things:

1. Acknowledgment

Acknowledge that these items no longer serve a purpose for you and that they still exist (if you’ve forgotten you still have them, which is a glaring sign that you don’t need it anymore)

2. Sadness

An overwhelming sadness envelops your mind as you remember the good times you’ve had with those items that once brought such joy to your life as you realize those items are all that’s left to serve as a reminder of those times.

3. Agony

There is an agonizing finality to letting go of things associated with your past. This is rooted in fear of forgetting those times and who we once were. We develop attachments to items that can be painful to let go, feeling almost as if we won’t be the same person anymore once that item is no longer with us. You have to work through the emotions on this step before getting to step four.

4. Peace & Acceptance

Be happy with the memories you had with those items, realize that it’s a part of your past and no longer playing an active role in your life. 

5. Remember lessons learned

Remember the lessons these items taught you. You can keep them alive in your mind and honor their memory by carrying those lessons with you every single day. The memories and lessons we’ve learned about ourselves in relation to those things/items have helped shape who we are as adults and led us to where we are now.

As I re-read these five points, it occurs to me that these apply not only to physical items but also to people and relationships.  It can be incredibly difficult and draining emotionally to hold on to relationships that have failed, as well as people who have been a part of your life for a long time. We can try to hang on and hope things will get better, but you can’t change people. Some relationships will run their course, and sometimes we simply outgrow people. I’ve learned the hard way that it’s just as important to let go of that negativity that can take over your life when you become involved in a toxic relationship that only seems to breed negativity. These negative thoughts, along with the negative people we struggle to remove from our lives, take up a different kind of space in your mind, the same way certain items take up physical space in your home. No matter how they are taking up space in your life, they are preventing you from actively living your best life, which is our goal and likely yours as well.

As painful as it may be, sometimes it is best to just let go.

At the end of the day, memories are all we have. But if we’re constantly looking back on old memories, we’re not making the room necessary to create new ones. You’re not actively living your life if you’re desperately holding on to the past.

Nothing good comes from dwelling on the past unless you happen to be a fan of wasting time (I’m not). All we can do is take the lessons we’ve learned from those experiences and carry them with us as we move forward in life.

Childhood dreams and the anxieties of our younger years quickly fade as we grow older. We develop new paths and new dreams. There is no reason to be sad about letting those dreams go, along with the items that still serve as a way of hanging on to them.

The past is always going to be a part of who you are and the lessons we’ve learned along the way will remain with us wherever we go. Those lessons will help us make better decisions in the future from our minds and heart, making us sharper, wiser, and basically, the all-encompassing best version of ourselves to share with the people we love most.

If I never have time to ride my bike and no longer play hockey, what is the point of hanging on to those items? The only reason is purely romantic feelings of the past, remembering the person I once was and former paths I’ve strayed from.

I don’t need these items to remind myself who I am, or who I once was. Discovering who you are is a difficult conquest, one that many will struggle with for most of their lives. After struggling with this throughout my teen and early adult years to figure out who I am and what I wanted to do with my life, I finally have the confidence to say I know who I am.

I am a father. I am a husband. I am a minimalist. We are actively creating a life we love, and if that isn’t enough to get you excited and out of bed each morning, I don’t know what will.

What about you? What items have you been hanging on to that you no longer need or use? What has held you back from getting rid of those items? Do you find any of the bullet points listed above relevant to things you’ve been holding on to in your life? Hopefully going through the steps above can be a helpful guide if you’re in the process of de-cluttering!

Feel free to comment below!

 

Update: (9/30/19)

I just officially sold all of my hockey equipment and it was a bit more painful than I imagined. They went to a young kid about to start a new season and it was definitely bittersweet knowing they were going to someone young who still had the excitement and drive to play. I teared up a little bit thinking about it afterward, but I am making peace with their departure.

It really is difficult letting go of items you used to love!

-Drew